its a new year better start blogging again...

ive been busy, things have changed (seemingly for the better) and life just keeps right on rolling along. life has been fairly roller-coasterish. new school. cancer invades. first apartment. ahh where to start?

new school: mills did not work. it wasn't going to get better. they didn't have the major i feel fits my needs best. it just doesn't make sense. i decided, however, that it also didn't make sense to transfer to another private college and pay an arm and a leg for the next million years in order to have smaller classes and better...something. at this point, the cons of private school were no competition to the pro's of a public university. i didn't register to vote in california (shame because i know my vote would have pushed prop 8 in the right direction...) so i couldn't get instate for Cal or UCSC (its always been a dream of mine to go to the UCSC...i mean who can resist a banana slug?) so I applied to the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities. Population 800,000,000,000. My largest class was only like 150 while my smallest was 9 (ok 15 but 6 of them never showed). i am in the religious studies program and totally loving it. i took this amazing class called Post- Holocaust Jewish and Christian Theology which totally rocked my world view and definetly deserves it's own post. so i will pick that up at a later date. the U is huge but good and so far ive really enjoyed it. my academic record has not enjoyed it as much but oh well. this past semester i have lived at home...less than ideal i'd say which leads to...

MY FIRST APARTMENT!!! Today I started moving into my new apartment in Minneapolis. It helps that it is almost all furnished except for lacking some sort of bathroom furniture and kitchen supplies. its so crazy that in a couple of weeks i will be living on my own. granted i will have access to my parents car, their laundry facilities and their rent checks are sure to be on time every month but besides that i am pretty much on my own. ouch...i didn't mean for that to sound ungrateful. those are 3 big things without which i would living in a card board box under the train bridge. speaking of which i should really get to packing so i can take over another load of stuff tomorrow.

word to your mother.

does the outside really reflect the inside? uh oh.

my room is in a state of upheavel and i am trying to wait until i move to do any laundry...hmmm...i just packed my first box- 2 blankets and some odds and ends. i am feeling a little more ok with the fact that im moving and i am really stressed out about it. 3 out of 4 of my desk drawers are cleaned out and 2 out of my 6 dresser drawers are cleaned out...lordy. i have a lot to do.

i better get on it.

recent activities

well, well. hello blog. how have you been? me, well, i've been just fine. it feels good to have figured out a general plan for next year. i will not be coming back to mills and am feeling just fine about it. it is hard to admit my own fault in the failure of my time here at mills but, alas, my own choices certainly did play a part in the fact that i have never felt at home here. the bay area is an amazing place but does it really need to be the end all be all of my life? being here for this year has made me realize that in fact, it does not. hopefully going to the U will work out for next year but if not I will be fine. i am excited to be in classes that are exciting to me, to be around people that i want to make an effort to get to know and professors who are challenging but at the same time perhaps more accepting of different view points. i am excited to not be in a hippie, granola school.

in other news: life in general is actually going pretty well. its kind of lame because my happiness is so wrapped up in the lives of those closest to me... this circle is beginning to include someone who has been cut off for the past few months but you all know how i love to try and fix others problems while completly ignoring my own. we got some scary family health news this past week so i am trying to figure out my end of the year stuff.

i am really, really excited for the summer. for going to the cabin and valley fair. to the beach and hanging out on the boat. taking the kids to museums and staying up way too late giggling with my girls. sleep overs and movies. camping in afton state park. road trip to montana. the list is endless.

class is almost over and i should pay attention for the last 5 minutes.

4 Key Rules for Life.

Benjamin Roth Warns His Emigrant Son Solomon About Moral and Religious Dangers in America, 1854.

--------------1. Always seek to keep your conscience clear, i.e., never commit an action which you will have to regret afterwards.

2. Consider what you possess as a trust given you by God. Be thrifty with it and seek to enlarge it in an honest manner... In short: be thrifty for yourself, that you may be able to aid a suffering humanity with your wealth.

3. Never leave the religion that is yours by birth, the faith of your parents and ancestors. Neither wealth, nor friendship, nor the possibility of a brilliant career in life, nor seduction, nor even the love of a girl should move you or have the power to make you change your religion.

4. Do not become acquainted--not to mention closer relationships--with women. Be polite and well-mannered towards them; for the rest, as far as it is possible, keep your distance...Seek to keep your heart free; guard it; and be not seduced by the tempting, destructive speech and actions of your contemporaries. This last demands your closest attention. Have no relations with a prostitute.Her breath is poison, her word the bit of a snake; and they are all alike. However, let me add here, in praise of Jewish woman-hood, that with a few exceptions they have preserved much purer morals than the girls of other races; and they have contained themselves from selling their charms for money."-----------------

Life has been low key, I got paid this weekend and so far have not broken my no shopping in February rule. School is also low key but I seem to have a lot of work...all of which i do, of course.

boys are sily.

is it kosher to go to sleep at 6:38pm on a friday?

things im guilty of: not eating healthy foods, drinking too much diet coke, watching crappy tv, procrastinating, being dramatic and never updating my blog. so sorry.

perhaps it the fact that there hasn't been much to update about. disneyland was amazing but after the novelty of it all wore of i just had to go back to regular life, which is not fun. i have once again revamped the decoration of my room and am doing a better job of keeping it clean.

it has been a long week which culminates in a long weekend and im really really tired but it's a friday and im 19 and i can't just go to sleep.

I got a new job working for the district offices of the Pacific Central District of the Unitarian Universalist association. the past 8 hours i have been processing checks (why can't we accept credit card pledges??) then i enter everything into file maker and then make a copy of all the checks and write out a deposit sheet (in excel) of hundred of checks...its an especially tedious process but one that needs to be done i suppose. its a sweet job though cause i get to listen to music and just kinda hang out while i work (phone- ok, watching tv while i copy checks- also ok). good job.

i am really ready for the summer to come. it is cold and rainy and gross. tomorrow there is supposed to be a biggg storm and i am not excited cause its just so rainy and gross... :(

alright time to get ready. i promise i will try and blog more.

love.

new years resolutions that are broken by january shouldn't have been made in the first place.

I have just had my first 2 days of classes (i still have 1 new one to go...) so far I have spent 300 dollars on books and still have a class and a half to buy books for. hopefully i can find some cheap online and then return these to the book store. i have soooo much reading and writing to do this semester. my final schedule is:
American Lit
English 001 (one girl asked what an annotated bibliography was...)
American History
Religion and American Culture
International Migration (of people...)

I have 8 books for American Lit, 4 for American History, 6 for Relgion and American Culture....International Migration TBA.

At least I'm excited for this semester...I think it's going to be a good one which is nice...I am going to stay at Mills but am looking into Study Abroad programs and Service programs...i might take a semester off and work but who knows. any ideas?

alright its time to get to work on that pile of homework i am determined to do eventually.

100th Post.

3am. Raining in December. Shouldn't it be snowing? or sleeting? or something frozen? i want weather. i want to go home. this could have something to do with the fact that recently i have been reconnecting with high school friends, friends who know me, who call me on my bullshit but in a funny, loving way. ive realized that as much as i joke about not having friends here, i don't. not really. i'm so sick of explaining a long story just so someone will understand why im upset. i'm sick of feeling like people don't really wanna hang out with me. i just want to be home.

you can't build a relationship on memories.

im irrationally nervous about getting my wisdom teeth out. i don't know what im so afraid of. the pain will eventually go away and thats the important thing. im getting ice packs and heat packs and pain killers and funny friends and ice cream and mashed potatoes and jamba juice. nutrious and delicious.

tomorrow (today) is the first sleep over for my 5th/6th grade sunday school class. its so hard to feel like you aren't appreciated for anything to you do. i know i could do better. i know they should treat me with more respect. i know that i should have asked someone else to teach with me but selfishly, i knew it was the only way to see him. i know i don't follow through on anything and just pretend i have all my stuff together. what happens in the real world?

what is this real world i hear so much about? what am i in right now, some alternate universe? do the experiences you have in college not count? does anyone really ever truly enter this real world? it seems to be a place where no one supports anything your doing and it's every man for themselves. what kind of place is that. not one ill be in.

late night is the worst time to think. when everyone is asleep and you can't just talk your feelings through with someone and get over it. you sit there and chew on your problems till the flavors gone. sit there not being able to sleep. suitemate being loud in the next room. guilt catching up with you about that paper you didn't do your best on, the classes you skipped and the people you have alienated. the friendships you could have if you weren't so crazy.

you see, late night rambling is bad news.